THANK YOU FOR CALLING GLOBELINES
Five days ago since I last browsed the internet with flawlessly fast
speed and unlimited access to almost every type of website. Now, five
days in a row, myglobe.com.ph, plus the forever living Yahoo!,
is the only website that I could visit in my danged multi-operating
system computer that runs 800 mHz with a broadband speed of 4 kilobytes
per second. I wanna faint.
(My regular visitors might be aware
that) I am fond of intimidating people, though at times I’d rather
refrain looking like one because of my continuous attempt to have some
fashion overhaul. Of course, I intimidate people for a purpose… for a
cause… occasionally, to speed things up.
The very last time I waited long enough was 18 hours–and
it’s for a swimming spree. I don’t know how blind I was when I braced
my batchmate’s house in Silang, Cavite to have waited in such a
splendid amount of time. Now I’m done with it.
I was uber
punctual years before I joined the student publication, though
sometimes I reach our rendezvous 5 minutes later. The only thing that
kept me waiting is someone that would accompany me waiting. If I’m
alone, I always think about the kamote (sweet potato) sprouts to plant in my backyard. Kamote sprouts… holy cow.
I
know the feeling of someone who have prepared so much for an
appointment, especially in early meetings, compromising other
priorities such as late-night TV viewing (no. 1 priority other than
doing assignments) and other recreations just to sleep early for the
rooster wake-up. Only to discover that on your next precious day you
find yourself savoring free facial makeup from the particulates
suspended in the air. Filipino time.
Filipinos
don’t want to wait for others, so they rather see others wait for them
by intentionally slowing their pace of movement in taking a shower,
dressing up, wearing the stupid pink blush-on powders and all–the main
rationale of this internationally-acclaimed Pinoy tardiness. They
intentionally keep others waiting, to the point that these people would
look like instant celebrities even if their faces don’t qualify to be
one. And then they will apologize, in a tone like you’ve only waited
for about 5 minutes simultaneously with the cake you’ve dropped on the
floor (which, they claim, is still safe to eat).
So I started
patronizing the custom to be more Filipino. I’ve suffered enough. I’ve
longed enough to bear with all their excuses. If we agree to meet at
7:00, expect them to come at 8:30. Which, in fact, always happens. I
envy Lea Salonga. When they are expected to come at 9 am, everyone
comes thirty minutes earlier, then they start their production at
exactly 9. The Japanese run on their satellite-subscribed clocks. If
it’s rush hour, it really is rush hour. Here in the Philippines, rush hour is when you forgot to bring your attaché case at home in the middle of a rowdy traffic.
But for a mandatory and obligatory paid service like my internet connection? No c’est la vie’s for me.
Whenever we have connection problems, I always call our service provider’s customer service hotline 171-2310. 2310,
note that. Then you’ll hear Christian Bautista or Josh Groban singing
their all time hits, which is kinda nice, but will pull your ears off
when listening for a long time. Then it’ll take you forever waiting for
the customer service representative to accommodate you.
And finally…
Globe: Welcome to Globelines Technical Support Service, may I help you?
Neil: I didn’t listen to your recorded advisory to ask you about this. What the hell is happening to our broadband connection?
Globe: (swallows, getting a grip for some English twang). Well sir, can I ask your name first?
Neil: (hysterically provocative) I’ll give you my mom’s name instead since she owns this account. (insert mommy here)
Globe: (cleans throat). Uhmm, ah eh… can I get your internet phone number?
Neil: I gave you my mother’s name already. Ok, fine, wait just a minute.
(hangs phone to get our monthly bill)
Neil: (insert number here).
Globe: (typing, and typing, just to prolong and divert the conversation). Okay sir, can I confirm that you live in Cavite area.
Neil: Obviously, yes.
Globe:
Well, for now, your account is subjected to network restoration that’s
why you are having difficulties in connecting to your broadband
connection.
Neil: I think the recorder said that already.
Globe: (silence, pondering about my previous statement.)
Neil: Approximately how long is this so-called ‘network restoration’?
Globe: As soon as possible, sir…
Neil: How long is this soon as possible?
Globe: Sir, you just wait for the connection to resume, sir.
Neil:
(mild angry tone, without breathing) For 5 days straight?! I think
that’s unfair for us your customers to pay 15 hundred bucks for an
internet connection that stops once in a while—you know, we are doing
all our documents for the following year, and then you give us this
network restoration that’s taking 48 years to finish? How long should
we wait? And we still have to pay 1500 for the bill on the 29th? That’s
totally unfair, ma’am.
Globe:
Sir, we cannot do anything about your problem for now (with a placating
tone). But I promise you that your account will be on the priority list
to regain internet access (with typing sounds) as soon as our network
restoration is completed.
Neil: (silence)
Globe: Umm, sir, can I ask your name first?
Neil: Neil. Neil Bernardo.
Globe: Okay sir neil, you’ll be connected in the next few hours after this phone call.
Neil: Okay. Thanks.
Globe: (with a somewhat mild breath) Thank you for calling Globelines.
(Call dropped.)
My
point? Dial the Tagalog customer service hotline and speak with all
your greatest English twang in a professional, but less
procrastinating, tone.
And don’t accept c’est la vie, no matter what. Take advantage of the semi-socialite caste system.
